Wednesday, October 19, 2011

struggling with self image

It's been a challenge these past two days getting back on the wagon. I have realistic plans, a strong support system, and I know the right things to do to get where I need to go. The hard part is actually doing it.

Monday, I was supposed to run, and I didn't do anything.and while I made mostly healthy food choices, I had entirely too many calories. Tuesday, I finally got off my but and did a 2 mile run/walk, though I still had too many calories. Running doesn't matter much if the calories aren't under control. Progress though I guess because I went from doing nothing right on Monday to getting things half right on Tuesday.

I've also been having some issues with my body image for a while. When I train in my tri top, every time a car or cyclist passes I have the urge to check and make sure it's in place because it rides up a little. And being that very few people work out around here, my concerns about what people are thinking when they see me training, especially running have intensified. I know this is all me, and not other people, but the insecurity sometimes causes me to feel uncomfortable exercising publicly. It's not a good excuse, and it's too hot to wear loose fitting clothes, so I'll have to over come it.

One of the other issues I think that's really been holding me back for quite a while, is the inability to picture myself as a thinner man. When I first lost the weight from my highest point, I could remember what it was to be 325ish. But now I have very little idea of what I looked like at 280 or even less than that. I have very few photos from the early 2000s. 

To fix this problem, I found a website called It lets you upload a picture, enter your current height and weight, and then select how much you want to lose. The site adjusts the picture proportionally to the amount of weight you want to lose. I now have a pretty good idea what I might look like around 75 pounds thinner.

Now I've got something to look whenever I have a doubt about what I'm headed towards.


  1. I get it Ben-I really do. I was THERE just 2 yrs ago.
    let me just tell you that 99% of those driving past you in their cars will NEVER accomplish half of what you have. Please do not let that stop you!!
    I found that setting smaller goals along to road to the BIG goal really helped me keep focused. If you even need a virtual kick in the arse, hit me up on FB. I'll kick ya :)
    Keep doing what you are doing

  2. Thanks Jennifer. It's such a pain sometimes, as I'm sure you're aware. And you're definitely right that the smaller milepost goals are a big help in keeping perspective. I also find small races on a regular basis help push me as well.

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